“1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and
Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this.”
- Kanye West, New Work Out Plan
I’ve realized recently that I need to work out. In my old age (OK, not that old), I fear that my diet of donuts and cookies for breakfast might be catching up with me. Who knew it was so hard to stay slim after having a baby?
I was going through my clothes, as I do every year when the seasons change, trying to figure out what still fits, what doesn’t fit and would I would never be caught dead in again. I came across this pair of pants that have always been HUGE on me and decided to try them on for fun.
They freaking fit me!!!!
W. T. F!
So, of course I’m freaking out trying to calculate the last time I ate (because obviously I was bloated or something) and proceeded to suck my stomach in as far as it could go to at least make my pants a little loose. After I was resuscitated from passing out due to lack of oxygen to the brain, I realized it was time to shed the fat.
Now, in the past, I was a slave to Richard Simmons (don’t you even think about judging me) but I figured it was time to upgrade to something new and improved—and then I found the holy grail of dancercise DVDs—BILLY BLANKS, JR. PRESENTS CARDIOKE!!!!
You guy really need to try this. It’s ten types of awesome!!
So, I’m in the living room dancing and singing and my dog is looking at me like I’ve lost it. Pretty sure that this work out was going to be easy peasy—until I died. Twice.
Seriously, Rhonda? You can’t pop lock without passing out?
It was then I realized that “this Billy Blanks, Jr. guy is really TRYING TO KILL ME!!”
It’s like he’s dancing around touching pressure points and shutting whole bodies down (yeah, I like Kevin Hart).
Well, anyway, it’ been about 3 weeks now and after initial shock of not feeling my body for the first couple of days, I’ve lost a couple ponds and a few inches off of my waist. I guess you can say it was worth it. Moral of the story: Change your life and get a Billy Blanks, Jr. DVD. You might want to make sure you get right with Jesus first, a couple of people didn’t make it through the first workout.
Now excuse me while I shimmy off the fat.
Since this guy (among every other thing in my hectic life) is the reason that I have been so sporadic in my blogging, I thought I’d dedicate this week’s Cool Pix to him…
My all-kinds-of awesome son!
“I’ve never been in love like this before
Now let me pray to keep you from
The perils that will surely come
See life for you my prince has just begun
And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I’m reminded every time I see your face”
- Lauryn Hill, Zion, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
You spend 9 whole months creating him, you’ve bonded before birth and after he’s born, you spend close to 3 months of one-on-one time with the new man in your life. You learn all the quirks, have many a sleepless night and you realize that your heart no longer resides in your chest, but is a 14 pound ball of smiles and laughs with a face that looks half yours. And then—you have to go back to work.
Maternity leave is up, bills need to be paid and frankly, you are going stir crazy in the house. After months of calling and interviewing, you finally find someone who you trust to take care of your little guy while you’re away all day and the moment you walk up to the door to drop him off for the first time you think, “what the heck am I doing?”
I recently had that revelation of sorts when I dropped my son off with the sitter for the first time. We walked in the door I gave my detailed instructions (because no one else in the world besides me is capable of looking after a baby) and as I make a big fuss waving goodbye, my son briefly glances my way and his attention is immediately diverted by the sitter waving a singing panda in his face.
What am I? Chopped liver?
I walked you to the sitter’s door like I was going to the electric chair and reluctantly hand you over because it was almost unbearable to let you go for a whole day without me and all I got was a glance?
But that glance gave me comfort and made it a little easier to leave because I knew you would be fine and well entertained. It showed me you were comfortable which helped me breathe easy.
But gosh kid, can’t I a least get a goodbye laugh next time?